Well, How do I start? hmm... I remember my old conversation with my little brother, not very clear, but it must be something like this:
Him :"Why are you so angry?"
Me : "I dunno. I just going crazy and want to punch anything. I can't control it. Can you?"
Him : "Me neither. But I punch myself rather than punch something else, so, nothing will hurt, just me. And I will think a thousand times to be angry cos' I know it will be so hurt."
When I was a kid, I can't control my anger, I will destroy anything, without any reason, just want to do it. But when he's gone, I swear I won't be angry or upset anymore, with any reason. It doesn't really work, But at least, when I can't hold it, I just cry, all day in my room, doing nothing, but not destroy anything, just running out.
Lately, I realize more about what he said over 15 years ago. You don't know something, without having experience on it. So, I decided, I want know more, then I must go through this life, Become part of it.
I was a very closed kid, I have my own world, have no friends at all, except my brothers, and almost have no feelings.
The first question on my mind is, why people have a friend? what for? Then, I decided to have a friend. I do what normal kid do, playing together with others. You know what? it was really hard for me, sharing a toy with others? come on, you have your own toy, why you must play with mine too? it's crazy little me, huh? LOL
Soon, although not very soon, I like to have a friend. Playing together, sharing a story, even mostly I just hearing their story, and doing something crazy together. It's fun.
Well, I know my progress is so slow. In this scope, I'm not a fast learner, pretty hard for me, but at least there's some improvement...LOL
Until now, I have learned about giving, having a best friend (the valuable one), sharing something, love, jealousy, respect others, hurt, broken heart (not so long ago, yeah, suprising, huh! LOL), embarassment, pride, down, happy, excitement and some more.
But, Until now, I don't really understand about angry and upset. Why people get upset? even angry? Maybe it's just because it doesn't match their own expectations, I dunno. What I know is, I get upset and angry mostly because my body or my mind or even my heart is tired and needs to be rest, but somehow it can't. So I get angry. Well, it's just one of mystery of life that I must learn.
Life is full of mystery, and it takes forever to understand them, but it doesn't matter, that's why life become interesting to me. xp
I believe, by having an experience on something, get into the proccess, You will understand more than you have asked.
Keep on playing guys, it will keep you away from stress of this life...LOL
Good luck with your life, my life, and our life.
Love,
Nurieen
