Wonderfull week in my life

Gw ga tau harus berkata apa tentang salah satu minggu terindah yang pernah gw alami selama ini….
Well, I feel happy and sad at the same time…

Dimulai dari hari pertama gw dateng, huh walaupun gw masih harus mengerjakan kerjaan2 yang banyak dan harus membawa ke bandung, tapi tetep aja gw berangkat(hehehehe, nekat deh pokkoke). gw ga penah berpikir bahwa situasi yang akan gw alami jauh berbeda dari tahun lalu, I really miss that time….huhuhuhu…

Hari berikutnya, hm… latihan seperti biasa dan bergossip ria,teteup, hahahaha…. Dan, umm…. Belajar yoga yang melelahkan itu namun sangat berguna, thanks ya udah mau ngajarin kita jurus2 itu,hehehehe….

Next day, adalah insiden yang menyadarkan gw sekaligus memalukan gw (you know lah, yang itu tuh, aduh!). Seumur hidup gw, ga pernah tuh yang namanya lepas kontrol seperti itu, dan itu terjadi di lingkup ini, dan rajanya ini yang ke 2 kali, hahahahaha…. Betapa malunya gw, huh, pasti deh masih dibahas sampai berabad-abad mendatang, dan beritanya menjalar lebih cepat dari api, huh dasar anak2 rempong(gw juga sih, hehehehe). Tapi disaat itu juga, gw merasa gw tuh ga sendiri, I'm not perfect and I must face it. But it make me realize that, hey, I'm not alone, unfortunately, I have friends who really care to me, and never want to see me sad and fall. I must accept that. This is the time to open my own world to others, I don't want to be a weirdo all the time. Thanks guys, all the support that you gave to me make me realize that it's alright to share my feeling to you, my bestfriends.

Kamis, rintangan-rintangan yang ada selama ini terpecahkan dengan tidak baik disini. Semua orang udah lengkap dan juga merasa tegang. Gw tau koq, walaupun keliatannya mereka asik-asik aja, tapi pasti didalam sama khawatir dan tegang kaya gw. Sampe pelatih2 gw pun ikut stress. Gimana ga stress, keadaannya tuh bener2 huh, di luar kendali, ada aja masalah sepanjang perjalanan ini, kalo gw jadi dia mungkin gw udah masuk RS Jiwa(hahahaha, pindah donk kuliah gw bu, cuman beberapa meter…).Tapi bener2, latihan dan kebersamaan yang paling optimal yang pernah gw rasaain.

Jum'at, excited but scared at the same time. Masalah2 baru bemunculan, gw bisa ngerasaain bahwa anak2 tuh panik dan ketakutan .But I convince to myself that it will end up good. Datanglah waktu kompetisi itu. Sejak awal mulai gw udah, damn this is not good, really not good, but I try my best to give all I have.Ternyata bukan gw aj yang merasa seperti itu, banyak temen-temen gw juga, tapi qta semua ga mau ngebahas, apalagi comment dari yang nonton ga begitu positif seperti kps dulu, huh, seperti dalam mimpi, ingin rasanya ngulang lagi and ngerasa bagus, tapi tetep aja ga bisa, gw selalu ingin percaya kalo semuanya baik-baik aja, tapi bener2 ga bisa, kenyataannya banyak penyanyi yang sakit dan suaranya ilang,walaupun gw merasa maksimal tapi mana mungkin gw mengharapkan performance tadi itu bagus. Gw bersikap seolah2 ga ada masalah, ya seneng2 seperti biasa, apalagi sama orang2 gila itu, lo ga bakalan mungkin bisa diem dan memikirkan hal2 yang bikin stress tadi,hahahahaha…….

hari pengumuman, tapi gw udah pasrah lah, ga terbwah aja udah syukur...hehehe... hari itu adalah hari jalan2, qta ke kampung daun, dan tetep yah foto2 ria,hahahaha. sepanjang perjalanan nyanyi terus bu, aduh emang kita2 eksis sih,hehehehe.. abis perut pada kenyang, ya apalagi kalo ga belanja, tapi bukannya gw belanja malah maen tebak2an, abis penuh banget sih, males deh jadinya, mending ngobrol2 dan again, bergossip ria,huhuhuhuhhu...

dan saat pengumuman itu pun datang, well. I never imagine a high result, but I expect much, that's all I can do. I must told you I really scared, it's because I already know that it will not good, and the fact come, and yeah it's not good, and also not bad,just silver. I try hard not to cry at that time, because all my friends is very down and I know if I looks like them it will cause too much for them.I know I can't hide my sadness, but at least I prefer not to show it to other people.Tapi yah, itu ga bertahan lama, setelah di wisma, ada kejadian yang,uh gw udah ga tahan lagi deh, tiba2 member baru yang diva itu(hehehehe..)dan dengan sangat baik mau bantuin qta2 nyanyi tuh pamit dan gw ga nyangka dia tu bisa sesedih itu niggalin kita, huh, dia mesti tanggung jawab karena bikin gw dan temen2 gw yang tadinya mencoba tegar, menangis kembali,hahahaha..
We are not crying because the result, but we are crying because this beautiful week and feeling that we already build and have is will gone soon. Personally, I feel like, ugh, this wonderfull dream will end up soon, and I don't want it happened, here, I have a relationship that I never imagine in my wild dreams,I found new friends, bestfrinds, and even familly. I found someone who care with me, and it really, ugh, i dunno the word that can describe my feeling. I really lucky that I ever felt that feeling, I don't want to loose it. never want.

Allah paid my big fault in the past with a wonderfull life. I can't say how much thankfull I am.

Thanks guys, you are really awsome, I hope we can learn our fault from the past and become much more stronger.

And, teteup ya, bergossip ria,hehehehe... well, mau ga mau, mesti diakuin bahwa itu yang bikin kita "bersatu" betul ga???? hahahahaha......
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UNTUKKU

Kemana langkahku pergi
Slalu ada bayangmu
Ku yakin makna nurani
Kau takkan pernah terganti

Saat lautan kau sebrangi
Janganlah ragu bersauh
Ku percaya hati kecilku
Kau takkan berpaling

Walau keujung dunia, pasti akan kunanti
Meski ke tujuh samudra, pasti ku kan menunggu
Karena ku yakin, Kau hanya untukku

love,
nurieen

"Accepting myself"

well, sometimes, I ask myself, who am I? what I have done in my life? am I usefull to this world? and sometimes I thought I'm nothing...

But when I think about that lately, I really feel ashame to have that thought when I know Billy and Mattie almost all my life...

I, maybe don't have any special gift, I just can play piano a little, some computer abillity, and random things that I can do..

maybe I don't have a true friend, at least close friend, I don't know why, it just something wrong with me, it's always because of me and who I am.

some of my friends often told me, " nurieen, you're genius! and genius people is weird, like you!". First time I heard it, oh, come on, you know me and my brain, I mean, if I' m genius like you said, why I can't graduate with high GPA? ok, it can change, but surely that I can't graduate with cumlaude!
but when I think it over, it's kinda true. since I was little, I can fixed anything that broken without any knowlege, I can learn many programs without any tutorial, I can play keyboard, piano, guitar, bass, suprisingly, I can played drum well at the first time I played it. And I just realize, sometimes, when I'm alone, I'm dreaming amazing things but danger and knowing how to make it. one time I did that and it works but cause much trouble.It scared me, but I'm smart enough to choose the right and wrong.

About the weirdo things, yeah, I know that's true.I have told you in this blog before, I dunno, I just like have my own world, and scared to share it with others, even my mom. Maybe that's why I can't have a close friends.

But, who cares about I have a true friends or not, who cares about I'm genius or not, I just care that now, I accepting myself. someone that love her familly and friends, who never want to see other people sad and suffering, always want to see hope and peace in this world, and always trying the best that she could to make a better world.

I have lost my brother, and I don't want to loose anyone else in my life, I don't want to feel that regretfull again....

I accept that, even I have Nothing, but I can give Something to others.

luve ya,
nurieen
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If they would find a cure when I'm a kid
I could ride a bike and sail on rollerblades, and
I could go on really long nature hikes

If they would find a cure when I'm a teenager
I could earn my license and drive a car, and
I could dance every dance at my senior prom

If they would find a cure when
I'm a young adult
I could travel around the world and teach peace, and
I could marry and have children of my own

I could... if they would
I could... if they would

If they would find a cure when
I'm grown old
I could visit exotic places and appreciate culture
And proudly share pictures of my grandchildren

If they would find a cure when
I'm alive
I could live each day without pain and machines, and
I could celebrate the biggest thank you of life ever

I could... if they would
I could... if they would

If they would find a cure when
I'm buried into heaven
I could still celebrate with my brothers and sister there, and
I could still be happy knowing that I, knowing that I, "was a part of the effort"

-by Mattie J.T. Stepanek( miss u alot)-

Agustus ceria!...lol

well, what's special about agustus??? hmm, let's see,a lot of works....hahaha...
huh, liburan tapi lebih sibuk dari kalo nggak liburan, huhuhuhuhu, tapi gw seneng koq bulan ini, ga tau seneng aja ^_^(weird,huh??)

mulai dari KP, awalnya gw pikir tuh ribet and susah, tapi fun2 aja, apalagi pembimbing gw tercinta, baek banget(huh, lebay mode on,hehehe). Tapi beneran dia tuh baik lowh, trus karywan yang laen juga baek2, ngebantu bgt(sorry ya waktu kerja nya di ganggu,hihihi). Tapi gw ga enak juga sih ama pembimbing gw, ngerepotin mulu kerjanya,gw banyak maunya sih, lebih tepatnya kampus yang nyusahin(uups!). maaf ya pak dan yang sabar yah,hehehehe...

trus, agustus, yah berarti latihan dan latihan,hehehe. New competition is coming, and I love it! walaupun skill nyanyi gw ga naek2 dan ga pernah bagus, tapi gw seneng koq nyanyi2 bareng2 lagi apagi sama pelatih-pelatih dan teman-teman quw tercinta. gw tuh heran deh, knapa yah gw bisa di terima, padahal gw sadar lowh, suara gw itu ga ada bagus2nya, udah volumenya kegedean, suka ngaco lagi,(wah temen2 gw bahagia dan puas nih kalo baca,akhirnya nyadar, huakwkakaka).but I'll try to do my best! because I love music and always do!

huh, tambah lagi kerjaan2 lab yang menanti, flash persentasi blom kelar nih, huhuhu, bang hotlan udah nanya2 mulu,hehehe, sorry yah lama, abis gmana ya, sorry aja, sibuk nih..hahahahaha..

oh iya, murid2 piano-quw yang mau aja di boongin ama gw,hehhehehe. keep practicing yah, awas lowh kalo ngga! ku makan,^_^

dan masih banyak job2 termasuk acara 17-an dan lainnya yang menanti untukquw kerjakan, huh, bit tiring,but i really love these day,this month is the best in 08 so far...

well, I love this poem, written by Mattie J.T stepanek, sung by Billy Gilman(yeah, I know..lol)

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Song Of The Wind

listen to the wind
If you listen carefully
You will hear soft notes
Listen with your mind
Listen with your heart
You will hear a Heartsong
A soft relaxing song
That reminds... you of

Peace and Harmony
Harmony and love
Peace and harmony and love

If you hear this song
Always remember it
For if you do
You can teach it
To other people too
And they will forever
Forever they'll remember
Their Heartsongs...

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May Hope and Spirit is always in your heart!

luv ya,
nurieen